“There has to be better way to parent!”
I’m Adrienne Bishop, and this thought kept coming back to me over and over as I was struggling to stop yelling and criticizing and commanding my kids. Punishment wasn’t working and my kids didn’t really listen to me. They would get emotional and throw a fit and I would feel helpless.
In an effort to solve this problem, I read all of the parenting books I could get my hands on. I tried to incorporate all the new, kinder ways to talk to my children that the books spoke to, but it wasn’t working consistently and I still was left feeling frustrated, stuck, and helpless. It was then that I knew there was something beneath the surface that I wasn’t addressing and I would never learn what I needed to show up as the parent I wanted to be if I didn’t uncover it first.
Growing up, I was always feeling big emotions.
I cried a lot, was shy, and struggled with confidence. My feelings were so strong that they were physically painful. I got the message that I was too sensitive, too emotional, and weak.
I began to push my feelings under the surface. I pretended I was tough.
I believed that there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t “handle” life well. When things were going well, as in I was getting good grades at school, or a was awarded a solo in my concert, I was happy, but when my best friend and I fought or a kid at school made fun of me, life was terrible, and I wanted to curl up into a ball. I was at the mercy of my circumstances. Up and down, and left and right, I was just being pushed around by the waves of life.
Fast forward to becoming a parent where I now was totally responsible for the life of a helpless newborn.
Not being emotionally equipped for the stress of it all, I was thrown into a state of panic. I become obsessed with making sure I did everything right so my baby would be safe and I would never have to deal with the heartache of messing up and something happening to her. I became fearful, highly anxious, and overwhelmed. I wanted the overwhelming emotions of anxiety, worry and fear to just go away.
I felt like every little hiccup I made in my parenting proved my belief that I didn’t have what it took, and that I just couldn’t handle it.
I remember when I decided to wean my daughter from breastfeeding. My husband and I were sitting at the table with a screaming toddler in my lap, shoving quiche in her mouth because she wanted to nurse and was starving.
I literally though to myself “this is awful! I am so heartbroken that I have to do this! I just want her to stop crying and eat!” She cried, and I cried right along with her, pushing the feelings of guilt and sadness down.
Then my next two children arrived, and the anxiety increased. I continued to push all of my feelings down, telling myself I wasn’t good enough, until the painful feelings turned into physical pain.
Now I couldn’t ignore my emotions anymore. They had begun reeking havoc on my body. Once I learned my pain was caused by stress from not dealing with emotions, I went to work getting help to fix my brain. I went to therapy. I healed, slowly. I realized how all my life I never knew how to deal with my emotions, and how crazy it was that now I was charged with dealing with the emotions of 3 other tiny humans.
But I wanted more. I had only scratched the surface and now I wanted to thrive and grow, and I wanted to help my kids do the same.
I realized then that I could never teach my kids how to manage their emotions until I learned how to manage mine.
I knew therapy had helped me function, but now I wanted to become my best self, and I wanted learn to teach my kids what I never learned. I decided that if I could view parenting as a path to personal growth, I could more easily help my children process when they were emotional too.
That’s when life coaching came in.
Most of us are never taught where emotions come from or how to process emotions or that all emotions are part of being human.
Through working with a coach, I learned how emotions worked, how to manage my thoughts, and how to help my kids process emotions too. I discovered that the root cause of any emotional episode my kids were having stemmed from resisting or avoiding emotion. I learnd how to be more patient and consistent in my parenting through being aware of how my thoughts made me feel and then challenging them.
I studied and practiced techniques on how to change my thoughts and process my feelings about my kids and myself, and EVERYTHING CHANGED.
The thoughts that plagued me daily about my worry that there was something wrong with my highly emotional kids waned. I stopped being so anxious and I was rarely overwhelmed. I discovered new thoughts that helped me to be more consistent and patient in my parenting. I used the techniques from all the parenting books I read and they finally worked. I felt connected to my kids in a real way and they too started to listen and respect me and trust me.
I knew then that I wanted to help other parents stop suffering like I had.
As am a mom of 3 young kids and a former educator, after many failures and attempts at changing my parenting without life coaching, I have finally discovered a way to parent my kids with love, empathy and RESULTS. I am a Positive Discipline Educator and I help parents look inward using the coaching model from The Life Coach School.
I have developed clear and easy to follow methods that will help you feel more in control of your life and deal with kid drama, tantrums and emotional breakdowns with confidence.
I’m Adrienne Bishop, a life coach for parents with highly emotional kids, and I can help you not to feel so helpless anymore…
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