Does Santa Ever Lie? I’m the worst kid ever and feeling shame.

My clients, Beth and Jon (names changed for anonymity) came to me wanting to stop fighting with their highly sensitive 5 year old, Jack. He resisted cooperating with them and would frequently ignore their requests.

For example, they had so much trouble getting him to brush his teeth, wash his hands, and one of the most frustrating things he did was that he took FOREVER to focus long enough to walk to school in the morning.

His teacher was having trouble getting him to focus too. She even instituted a system where he would get a cube when he was good and would take one away when he was bad.

So Beth and Jon would talk to him about all of these issues, tell him he needed to focus and move quicker, ask him what was going on at school, bribe him, threaten him, take things away, to no avail.

Things weren’t looking good and Beth and Jon didn’t know how to help him.

Pretty soon they heard him saying things like,  “I’m the worst kid”, and “I was bad today at school”.

But the kicker was when Beth told him that Santa wrote Jack and said that he was on Santa’s nice list, and he asked her “does Santa ever lie, because I’ve been doing some bad things.”

Beth and Jon thought something was terribly wrong and they were worried. 

But there was nothing wrong with Jack. He is simply a highly sensitive kid feeling A LOT of shame and not knowing how to manage the shame, he would act out in response.

Jack thought he was a bad kid and so he would say mean things about himself when he made a mistake.

But everything shifted when his mom and dad realized that nothing was wrong with him, that he was just a deep thinker and a slow processor, and was very sensitive to criticism, threats and shaming, like most highly sensitive kids.

And once they changed how they viewed his behavior and saw it as communication and just an expression of how he was feeling, they started to listen, to validate, to get curious, and as a result, the fighting stopped. 
 
Soon, Jack started to feel HEARD.

When Jack’s dad validated him when he didn’t want to wash his hands, Jack’s anger fizzled and his dad was able to help wash his hands without a fight.

They didn’t fight him when he didn’t want to go to after care, they empathized with him, and then he decided on his own that he was ok with going.

And now instead of MELTING DOWN every time he feels something, he’s TELLING his mom he’s feeling sad or mad.

He had a great week last week at school.

And the kicker – he told his mom one day, “you’re the worst mommy ever” and instead of Beth taking it personally and yelling or correcting him, she said “you’re really mad at me right now.”

Jack then looked at his mom and said “actually I didn’t mean that, Mom”.

WOAH. From a 5 year old.

So not only is he not melting down as much, he is expressing himself more, becoming self aware, feeling less shame AND he is cooperating.

It’s only been 3 sessions.

I can’t wait to see what these parents are capable of accomplishing for the rest of the program. 

They are killing it and are feeling so much more confident.

This can be you too. 

Imagine thinking one new thought, using one new tool and getting your kids to cooperate easily.

Imagine feeling like you have a plan for all of the tough spots in your day, like mornings and bedtime and getting the kids to leave the house.

Imagine not worrying about how they will behave on your summer vacation and instead just having a great time and enjoying your kids.

It’s possible and it feels GREAT.

Join me in helping your child become emotionally healthy, confident, and caring. It’s time.

Sign up for a free 60 minute consult here to learn how.

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