New thoughts to try on to be a happier, calmer parent

Short and to the point, I want to share with you the thoughts I coach my clients to use when they are stuck, frustrated or worried to help them show up as the parent they want to be. 

Use these thoughts when they create the feeling you want, whether it be more neutral (peace, acceptance, calm, relief) or even positive (confidence, happiness, love).

The idea of using these new thoughts is that they help us to accept what is happening and not work so hard to try to change others or circumstances, which is not in our power. By changing our thoughts in these circumstances, we are taking back our power.

You can choose your thoughts simply because it will help you feel better and parent from a place of love. 

If you feel like some of the new thoughts are too far towards positive, add to your old thought one of these: “of course…”, “…and that’s ok”, “…yet”, “I’m learning to…”, or “they’re learning to…”.

I also want to encourage you to frequently question your thoughts and ask, “Is this really true?” “Can you prove it in court? Is it a useful thought or a stressful thought?” when you think a thought that makes you feel bad and not just believe the thought outright. 

Become aware of your thoughts and get curious about them, and question them. You are not a passive victim of your thoughts. If the thought isn’t useful, or helpful or makes you feel bad, it’s time to let it go.

You are in control. You have power over your thoughts. Use that power to create the person you want to be.

There is no downside to thinking these new thoughts. It doesn’t mean you condone bad behavior from your kids. It just means that now you get to do your job as the parent and hold them accountable for their actions. But you can now do that from a place of acceptance, peace, and confidence instead of frustration, anger and shame.

This will completely change how you parent!

Here are some examples:


  • Old thought: My child shouldn’t be acting this way.
  • New thought: My child is acting exactly the way they are supposed to be acting because they are.

  • Old thought: There is something wrong with my child’s behavior.
  • New thought: My child is learning how to handle emotions and it’s totally normal for them to behave this way.

  • Old thought: My child should be sleeping through the night by now.
  • New thought: My child should not be sleeping through the night because he isn’t yet and that’s ok. He will sleep through the night when he is ready.

  • Old thought: My child should clean up after themselves.
  • New thought: My child is working on cleaning up after themselves and that’s ok.

  • Old thought: My child shouldn’t react in anger when I ask them to do something.
  • New thought: Of course they are angry! They are learning how to manage their emotions.

  • Old thought: My child should get better grades.
  • New thought: My child should get exactly the grades they have because that’s the grades they earned.

  • Old thought: My child shouldn’t be going through this hard time right now.
  • New thought: My child is experiencing exactly what they are supposed to right now.

  • Old thought: I don’t like it when my child is struggling.
  • New thought: My child can do hard things.

  • Old thought: It’s so hard for me to let my child do tasks that they can’t do quickly and well. It’s just easier for me to do it for them.
  • New thought: It’s important for my child to struggle and overcome challenges.

  • Old thought: I am so worried that my child will get sick or die.
  • New thought: I trust that whatever happens, I will know what to do and that I will be able to handle it.

  • Old thought: Having kids is hard.
  • New thought: Having kids is hard, and that’s ok, I can do hard things.

  • Old thought: I just need a break from being a parent.
  • New thought: In this moment, I am choosing to be a parent.

  • Old thought: I don’t know how to be consistent with my discipline.
  • New thought: I know exactly how to be consistent.

  • Old thought: My child doesn’t eat healthy food.
  • New thought: My job is offer the right foods but it’s ultimately their decision as to what they eat.

  • Old thought: I don’t really like my kids sometimes.
  • New thought: I don’t really like my kids sometimes, and that’s ok, and I do love them.

  • Old thought: My kids aren’t listening to me so they must not think I’m important or care about me.
  • New thought: I am responsible for my own feelings and my kids are doing exactly what they should be doing.

  • Old thought: I wish my child were different.
  • New thought: My child is worthy and good and perfect exactly the way they are.

  • Old thought: I wish my child were different.
  • New thought: I wish my child were different and that’s ok.

Wanna stop feeling like you want to run away to tropical vacation when you’re dealing with your kids? Schedule a quick call with me for FREE and we will get you to a place where you can love your life again just as it is.

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Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash

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