Save your kids from a lifetime of misery with this one QUICK tip

Many of you have expressed to me that you want to read helpful parenting blog posts, articles or books but don’t have a quiet moment to do just that! I hear you! It’s a priority for me as I research parenting as part of my job, but I still only manage to read mostly when I’m nursing or in the bathroom (!).

Can I get an AMEN!?

So I’ve decided to write a short message today so all of you busy parents can finish this post before your child needs you again, dinner needs to be made, your lunch break is over or you’ve finished in the bathroom ;). If you have little time, skip down to “Here’s what I want you to know”.

I remember like it was yesterday when my parents dropped me off at college as a freshman.

I felt this soul crushing, suffocating pain in my chest and stomach as I watched them drive away. Everyone else seemed happy to be on their own, free from parents, from curfews and rules, but I was heartbroken, afraid, and lonely.

I thought the pain would never go away.

Miraculously, I held myself together for a year, and then fell into a depression as a sophomore. I didn’t want to leave school, so I numbed my sadness with an antidepressant, saw a therapist twice, and then sought solace in drinking and partying.

Luckily, I came out of that time unscathed. I had wonderfully supportive parents and friends, and once I changed schools and career paths, I started to find my rhythm, but the strong emotions stayed with me. All I wanted was to feel better, to be confident, and to have fun. I didn’t want pain, I didn’t want discomfort or fear.

I wanted ease.

And wanting ease was what caused me to have so many emotional problems down the line. It wasn’t until about 2 years ago that I finally discovered what I am about to tell you. What I would have given to have known about this when I was a child, even a college student, or a 20 something dealing with some really hard circumstances. But the good news is, you have the chance to give your child this gift.

You can save them from the misery I experienced.

It doesn’t mean they won’t feel pain, in fact they might feel more, but that’s not the goal. We are not created to experience just “ease”. We are created for so much more.

Here is what I want you to know:

If you don’t teach your children anything else, teach them to feel and process their emotions, especially negative ones, and teach them that it’s normal and okay to have negative emotions.

BOOM! Mic drop!

In fact, a BIG part of being human is that 50% of our feelings are supposed to be “negative”. Negative emotions include fear, discomfort, frustration, anger, anxiety, worry, sadness, grief, irritation, aggravation, overwhelm, and even courage (fear mixed with bravery).

The strange thing is that negative emotions are actually USEFUL.

Sometimes we even want to CHOSE to feel a negative emotion, like when someone we know passes away as it’s healthy and normal to feel sad and to process grief in a situation like this. Also, our brains give us fear so we can protect ourselves from danger. Discomfort is one of the MOST useful emotions because it means that we are on the path to creating the best version of ourselves. Doing things that cause discomfort helps us to grow and change.

But what causes most of our problems in life and creates misery is actually from resisting and avoiding negative emotions.

When we resist emotion, it comes back stronger and feels even worse, and then we try to avoid the emotion, because it has become too painful, by overeating, overdrinking, doing drugs, watching TV, etc.

Trying to avoid negative emotion by drinking and doing drugs is a very common occurrence in youth.

They feel emotions very strongly, and don’t know how to use the logic part of their brain like adults to regulate their emotions. But as parents, we can help our children to know how to process an emotion, and to know it’s OK to have them, so that they can be more likely not to take up a destructive habit to avoid feeling bad.

Being happy all the time is not what life is about.

In fact, believing that there’s something wrong because you’re not always happy is what gets us into trouble. We need the contrast of all of the emotions to be fully alive and fully human. If we had no negative emotion, we would never know when we were happy. We were made to have and to overcome struggles, to feel pain and to feel joy and happiness.

When we can learn to accept the whole gamut of emotions, that’s when we can truly be alive.

If that’s all you have time to read, fabulous! Just follow these 3 simple steps below and you’re on your way! If you need extra help, sign up for a FREE coaching call with me.

3 simple steps:

  1. Click here to get my FREE printable on How to Process your Feelings,
  2. Start practicing processing your own emotions
  3. Then by help your child to process their emotions together with you guiding them with the 3 step process outlined in the printable.

BONUS: If you have a few more minutes, read this blog post on helping your child when they are emotional, or this blog post about what to do when your child acts out, or this one that describes action steps to take when you child wants to quit.

If you are having trouble knowing how to process emotion, or how to lead you child through the process, schedule a quick discovery call with me. It’s totally FREE and I promise to help you make immediate and lasting change in your life. I can’t wait to talk to you!
If you want to know about more blog posts like this one, sign up for my mailing list by clicking here and receive a FREE guide to How to Get your Kids to Really Listen as my gift to you!
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